I'm in Survival Mode

Apr 25, 2023

The irony of survival mode is that I can forget to do the very things necessary to function and, well, survive.

The first thing I do is take stock of what I need to function.

Very likely, there will be a couple items that I keep forgetting to do: like drinking water or stretching.

So, I write down a checklist or set reminders (e.g., set -not startling- alarms to go off every hour reminding me to stretch).

Next, I check in with my breath.

Of course, breath is necessary to survive!

And also, if I can breathe more intentionally throughout my day, I can think a bit more clearly and handle stress a bit more effectively.

Finally, I offer myself grace.

Now, the word itself is not important. ‘Compassion’, ‘kindness’, or ‘understanding’ all work just fine, too.

The goal is to remove -or at least reduce- internalized shame.

Whether we’re talking about anxiety, depression, exhaustion, lack of will or drive, screen time, disordered sleep or eating..

I have been conditioned (along with many other people) to look to my responses and reactions to stress and pick apart my feelings and behavior.

While I certainly might wish to shift to a more consistent sleep schedule or reduce screen time, that’s not my first concern.

My primary concern is why?

Why might I be so disconnected from my body that I stare mindlessly at screens for hours?

The answer is, I’m in survival mode.

My body and my identities are constantly at risk of harm, worsened illness, and death.

Daily.

For years.

Of course my body/brain doesn’t feel safe staying present all the time.

Presence brings awareness and awareness means I’m feeling physical pain and exhaustion, along with justified fear and innumerable painful emotions.

I do believe that survival mode is not sustainable over time.

And also, when my body and my system is so overtaxed and overstressed, I can hold compassion for the ways I cope in order to survive.

Wishing you moments of rest and ease,

Riv